The Angry Post

deviantart - girandzim111

I am angry.  I am angry at the world, I think, but mostly I am angry at the State of Texas.   I am angry at all of it's red tape and all of it's legally binding forms.  I am angry at the loops and flaming hoops I am being forced to jump through to complete a seemingly simple task.  I am angry at all of the bureaucratic bullshit that I am having to wade through to get something taken care of, something that is already emotionally and mentally exhausting.



newborn ladybug - very very angry...

I am not just angry.  I am pissed off.  Livid.  Enraged.  Furious.  Pugnacious- That's a good one.  I am ready to bite someone's head off.  I am bursting into tears every time I speak to one of these robot-voiced asshats who don't give a damn about what I'm going through, what I'm dealing with, how long I've been waiting.  They don't care- And then I start crying and I'm apologizing to these assbags that I really want to scream and yell and curse at, and they're sighing and sounding all annoyed because I'm being a tad emotional.



1y5m ladybug - snotty-faced angry

First it started with the birth certificate- I wanted Mark's name to be on our daughter's birth certificate.  This is his first, and perhaps only, child.  No, technically it doesn't matter that his name isn't there, but it matters to me.  And he won't admit it, but I know it must matter to him.  I can see it in his eyes.  There is no reason his name should not be on the birth certificate, unless you ask the State.  According to them, me being married to someone else, despite how long we have been seperated, despite Mark and I both there willing to sign legal documents stating paternity, no- No, Mark cannot be on the birth certificate until I go jump through a flaming death hoop.


"Get online, find the forms, get them notarized.  Oh, no, not that form the other form.  It should have a spot for the notary to notarize it.  Oh it does.  Yes, I know you're looking at the form and it says it's the correct form but I'm at my desk in my big fancy government office and I'm telling you that I make the rules and the rules say figure it out."




 2 mo - "Don't worry mom, I'll shoot 'em the bird for ya!!!"

Screw it.  I will get it changed some other time.  Later on, down the road.  It took me 7 months before I finally went and got a "Certified Copy" of my deceased daughter's birth certificate, with only my name listed as a parent.  I don't even have her original birth certificate.  I'll never have an "original" birth certificate.  And that makes me angry.

Well now, I'm thinking, geez, why haven't I gotten a death certificate yet?  I know I paid for 2 certified copies of it- Yet I haven't received either.  So I'm speaking with the nice ladies at the funeral home and nobody can figure out why the stupid death certificate is in State of Texas Purgatory, just waiting in limbo caught between the doctor's certification and signature, and the State's official seal of approval before being mailed to me.  So after over a week of back-and-forth phone calls between myeslf and the funeral home and the delivering doctor's assistant, finally we get it finalized.  Great, it will be here by Tuesday, at the latest.

Oh, and then Thursday arrived, Thursday arrives and I get a phone call from the funeral home.  They don't know why, but apparently when a death certificate gets finalized so far past the date of death, the State doesn't automatically send out the death certificate like they normally would.  You have to call them and actually ask them to send it out.  Isn't that just grand?  Isn't that so fucking peachy that the system works so fucking smoothly like that?  So the lady from the funeral home is apologizing, profusely, that they've never had this happen before.  That they should have done something sooner, that I shouldn't have had to call and ask them to figure it out-  That was their job.  They should have done it.  And I am not upset with them at all, and I try to convey to them that my incessant phone calls and heavy sighs are not due to an oversight on their part- That it's just frustration with everything in general.  I tell them over and over again how thankful I am for their patience with me, and for all of their help.  In the back of my mind, I'm wondering if their seemingly genuine apologies and extra effort to help me is becaues they really are that nice, because they really are that helpful, and really that courteous.... Or is it just to save face, because they are 1 out of 2 funeral homes in the area and they don't want to lose a potential future customer due to these circumstances?  I choose to believe they are genuine, if for no other reason than to salvage what little bit of hope and patience and feel-good I have left inside me right now.

Moving on.

So I speak with the Medicaid office-  See, I was on Medicaid while pregnant with Mikaela (thankfully, or I never could have afforded the amazing specialists and doctors that I had during my pregnancy, but that's neither here nor there).  So when a pregnant lady is on medicaid, the baby is automatically put on Medicaid when born-  It took me months of calling the Health & Human Services Commission to get them to stop sending me medicaid cards for my deceased child.   Anyhow, I get the bright idea to get something printed out from HHSC, since it's a State Service, it's a State Document, and I should be able to use that as Mikaela's 2nd form of identity in order to get her social security number and card to be able to file her on my taxes.  I call the HHSC office and get put on hold 4 times, trying to verify before driving 30 minutes to the office with no driver's license, that I can, in fact, get something confirming that Mikaela is in fact a real person, and was in fact born in 2012.  Eventually, I get the answer I've been looking for- Yes, they can do that.

Fantastic.

Just to double check myself, I once again call the social security office to make sure that what I'm trying to do will work-  I have the birth certificate and something from Medicaid can be used as a 2nd form of identity.  I am on hold for nearly 20 minutes, but that's okay.  I expected it, actually, and I'm just relieved to be making progress.  Then, the lady on the other end of the line tells me that no, something like that would not be acceptable as second form of identity.  And, to make matters worse, she informs me that they are unable to issue a social security number to someone who is already deceased.  Now, why the other people I've talked to at that stupid administration could not tell me this, I am completely unsure.  At this point,  I am sniffling and failing miserably at holding back tears as I'm trying to explain to this lady that I'm sorry, I'm not upset with her, I'm just frustrated and I'm overwhelmed and that I just don't know what else to do.  She is repeating herself, "Ma'am- Ma'am I am trying to help you if you would just listen..." and although I'm not saying anything, she keeps asking me to listen.  Like my sniffling is making me deaf?  Sorry, lady, just say what you gotta say.  I'm trying my best here.

She tells me to call the IRS directly-  Of course she doesn't have their phone number, but if I just look them up online and get the number, call them and ask them what I need to do.  Alright- Another toll-free number, another automated messaging system telling me to press 1 for whatever and then * for whatever so  i just keep pressing buttons it doesn't name off until it finally gets pissed off and connects me to an operator (shhhh... that's my secret system, don't tell anybody).

I am, of course, on hold for upwards of half an hour.  Again, I expected it.  I'm relieved, the music is not quite as annoying as it normally is and I just sit back with the phone on speaker and continue to work on this post about being pissed off at all the red tape and what not.

I explain everything to the lady once she picks up-  My voice is shaky and I'm not even trying to hide how truly overwhelming this entire process has been for me.  I am stressed just about to my breaking point and I don't care who knows it.  She tells me that there is a chance that the IRS will deny my right to file her as a dependant because she passed away so soon after birth.

But then, something amazing happened-  She asked if she could put me on hold while she got out her big book of IRS secrets (my words, not hers)- She wanted to "research" (her words) what exactly I needed to do to file Mikaela on my taxes.  And she tells me that I don't need a social security number for her, nor do I need her death certificate.  All I need is proof that she was born, alive, in 2012, i.e. - a birth certificate.  I am elated- this is the best news I have had in weeks, and I tried my best to convey to her exactly how thankful I was that she took the time to look it up and explain it to me and was so unexpectedly helpful and nice and cheerful and patient.

I like the IRS.  At least, I like the fact that not everyone who works for them is some stuck up snooty pencil pusher with nothing better to do than pick on and bully the good honest working people of this country.  It's enlightening!

So for now, I am still angry, but only a little.  I am still angry at the State of Texas for making every little thing so damned difficult that you'd almost rather give up and live under a rock than take care of business.  But, I know, now, what to do if I am ever put in this circumstance again-  God willing this will become useless knowledge to me....