Not Nearly Exclusive Enough

I am part of an exclusive community. A community that I never wanted to be a part of. A community that is not nearly as exclusive as it should be; one that probably every member thinks at least once, "This shouldn't even have a purpose, a reason to exist." But it does.

And this community, the people within it, are so supportive. They come from all corners of the world, from all walks of life, and they are generous and caring and compassionate about their brothers and sisters in loss. The baby loss community, the moms and dads who all feel that same sinking pain when they wake up in the morning and that sweet little baby that was all theirs is just not there, they are an incredible group of people that I never would have known existed had it not been for my sweet Butterfly.

She opened up a whole new side of the world that I was oblivious to. I thought, surely, if my daughter passes away I will be so alone in my grief. And for but a moment, I was. And then I found them- I haven't been to a meeting yet, but I will soon. The perks of living in the big city, they got shit here. Shit for everybody, for anything. Drug problems? They got meetings. Alcohol? They got meetings. Cancer? They got meetings. Your baby died in a neonatal unit or in your womb? They got meetings for that too. I love the city.

So what brought all of this up? Well, I was fiddling with Ladybug's baby book the other day, and decided yesterday that I would pull out Butterfly's Memory Book and work on that some as well- it seemed right.

And as I'm filling out these columns, dreams of you, wishes for you then, wishes for you now, letter to my baby in Heaven... My heart felt so full. I thought about all of mommies across the world who are thinking these same thoughts with me, even at that very moment. It's heartbreaking, but it's also reassuring to know that I am truly not alone. Not in my thoughts, not in my loss, not in my heart, and certainly not in my prayers.

And that's who this post is for- Whether you lost your sweet little angel at 4 weeks or at 40 weeks, I am with you, I am thinking of you, I am praying for you, and most of all, I am in this with you. So know that you are never alone in your thoughts, you are never alone in your grief nor your pain nor your hope that, "One day...".

Now, here are some links to some amazing people, groups, and organizations that have helped me, that are doing amazing things because of their loss, and hopefully these words will reach someone who is at the end of their rope, praying and crying and wondering, "Why me?" and hopefully they will be comforted and consoled and uplifted that way that I was...

Maura's Mission - Maura Lynn's Baby Loss Memorial Blocks - A free wooden block with print of your choice on 4 sides of the block.  You can upload photos of your baby, ultrasound photos, name, birthdate, pretty much anything you want, fully customized in colors and decoration.  They can also make it as an ornament for your tree if that's what you would prefer.  Also, the memory block is FREE.

Sufficient Grace Ministries - I had not yet purchased Mikaela's baby book, but I'd picked it out, knew exactly where it was and how much and how badly I wanted it.  It was beautiful.  We had Mikaela's funeral the day that we had planned to have her shower.  That was awful- But what was just as awful is that I did not have any way to put all of my feelings and pictures and wishes and wants into one place (aside from this blog, of course).  Sufficient Grace Ministries makes "Dreams of You" a memory book for our sweet lost little ones for whom an ordinary baby book would just have too many empty spaces.

M.E.N.D. Houston - Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death, Houston Chapter.  As I said earlier, I have not yet attended a meeting but I will soon.  They also have a Facebook group, so look them up :)

Carly Marie Dudley - Project Heal - Carly is a BabyLoss mom that you can also find on Facebook at her page, Carly Marie, she does some amazing graphics on Christian's Beach in Perth, Austrailia.  She also can direct you to a lot of other organizations and people around the world doing wonderful things through their child's loss.

Molly Bears - A beautiful, non-profit organization. They created weighted teddy bears to the specific weight of the baby that was lost, as a way to "fill the arms of a family in need".  I have not ordered a Molly Bear so I don't know all of the specifics, but I do follow them on Facebook and they have some truly amazing things.  Definately worth looking into for anyone with that aching feeling in their arms and against their chest late at night.

I'm sure there are many others out there, but these are a few of the ones that I have come across that I truly think are doing amazing things, and the really amazing part about it, is all of these organizations were created for (and some even named after) the babies that were lost.

     My fingers tingle when I feel the place
    Where your footprints have been.
    Those 5 tiny toes - -
    I never got to see all ten.
   And the worst part of it all -
   Is that I can't even imagine
   What our lives would be like
   If you were still here...

                  My sweet girl,
                        My everything,
                                  My Butterfly
                            With Angel's Wings....